As we welcome 2015 into our lives, it can sometimes bring out some negative emotions for those of us with chronic illness. It's not a nice feeling bringing in the New Year in pain that can limit your everyday activities and lifestyles. It's unwanted, uncontrollable and can bring us down despite our efforts to stay positive. Although this year, despite the same arising thoughts of past New Years, I am also even more aware of the fact just how many of us are in this position of being young and in chronic pain. Although I feel such a deep sadness that I am entering another year of my life in poor health, my eyes have been opened via my blog that this is the life that so many of us young people lead. Although we don't physically have people around us who are in similar positions, there are such people in this world and when you feel helpless and isolated, this is what you need to keep at the forefront of your mind. I also see that as a blessing because I now have so many people I know I can relate to in life from starting this process.
As I type this post it is, 17:30 on the 31st of December 2014. The last day of a long year in illness. I've spent the last few days in bed with only an hours uptime from the terrible body pain I have been experiencing and I can feel myself getting quite down in the dumps from a mixture of pain and what day it is. I used to make the mistake of trailing down social media sites on New Years but I also know what to try to avoid now that will make me feel worse at poignant times. Things such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram were main factors I used to compare myself to others of similar age and be so sad over not being able to join in. Thankfully, I don't so much compare myself to these people as often because I have people like my friend, Lauren and other amazing people who I email from all over the world that are in such similar situations. It made me realise that comparing myself to healthy human beings wasn't helping me in any way, shape or form. All of us who are young and chronically ill all feel stuck more often than not in our lives, but we are also reminded that we are not the only ones through friendship and the bond of illness. The stuck feeling rears it's ugly head even more so at this time of year. I have had many tears to my mum over not wanting to be stuck for another year running, but we can only hope and pray for all of us that our year is brighter and we manage to achieve what we set out to do whilst remembering to take it one day at a time rather than over analyse the whole year.
I will attach the blog post I entered the new year with last year here. I was in quite a bad place when I wrote this. I didn't feel much progression in life of myself, I was still feeling quite lonely and isolated. I'm not sure if this is a wise move for me to make tonight in reading over this, however my mum keeps mentioning to me how she can see I have grown as person in this last year and to truly see it myself (I don't give myself credit easily) I feel like it is probably appropriate to see how things are possibly different or gradually changing by reading this post from last year.
I made a list at the bottom of that post concentrating on how I would like to develop as a person more so because it's difficult to set attainable goals that seem achievable when you are chronically ill. My list last year I hadn't actually read over until now. I am really quite surprised that all of those points I either worked on, overcame or took with me throughout 2014 without even realising.
So the same as last year, below I will list the things I would like to work on in myself, achieve or become in 2015!
- Continue to make my mind stronger in order to deal and cope with my illness.
- Help others who are suffering with chronic illness.
- Try to have more of a positive outlook on my life despite my situation.
- Become more assertive towards doctors and fight for a better medical care plan.
- Blog more frequently and spread the word of invisible illness.
- To not put so much pressure on where I am in life compared to where I'd like to be.
- To take each day as it comes and worry less about tomorrow.
- Enjoy and give myself a pat on the back for the little things I manage to achieve.
- Try not to set unattainable goals that I may struggle to achieve.
- Try not to compare myself to others who are not in chronic pain.
- To not let my illness define me or consume my mood frequently.
- To not get upset with myself when I am having a down or low moment.
- To gradually accept my illness.
- To remain grateful for my blessings when life seems tough or the world feels against me.
- To try and get out of the house twice a month. See the blue skies and breathe some fresh air.
- To be as open and honest in my health battles in order for others to not feel as alone.