Friday, 23 December 2016

Reflection upon the past year...

Source: Google Images

In true Chronic Illness Diary fashion, I dedicate a post every December to looking back upon my year. I look over the past goals I set myself the previous December, I see if I have taken the steps to achieve them and then I publicly list all of the things I want to achieve as I enter the new year. I don’t know why I do this, but when I make these lists online and allow them to be in the public domain, they feel like a permamant reminder that I must try to at least find the courage to conquer a few of the things that I once had a crazy thought about. My final post of the year has a strange looming effect over my mind and therefore, allows me to set out to achieve.

Rather than remaining at the back of my mind and turning into a quiet whisper that is easy enough to ignore, through documenting personal goals on my blog it allows me to see a physical evolution of where both my blog and life are heading. The past year has been a strange one, heartbreaking in some ways and valuable in others. Minimal in some circumstances and thrilling in another. Limiting to begin with which therefore provoked me to push myself beyond the limiting barriers I once thought were set boulders in my life.

If I could sum this year up in one simple yet effective word, it would be, CHANGE


We will never consistently stay at one level unless we truly want to. There is a beyond waiting for us, we just have to take the initial steps onto the pathway.  

2016 has taught me a lot. It has taught me that I foolishly gave myself barriers and limits that were truly unnecessary. I comprised my happiness until all I was left with was sadness. I was caging myself beyond belief and therefore, no longer even trying. It taught me that I had to put my focus into something more productive that could take me to the next step and therefore, take a step back from the things that had served their purpose within my life for the time being. Finally, it taught me that when you hit rock bottom, the only way for you to travel is upwards.

I will not allow this post to be one of dwelling, because all that has happened up to this point in my life has been and gone. There is no need to keep replaying it all and living in the past. It does not deserve to be brought into the new year nor clog my thoughts any longer. I think I now understand that we can never truly have the new beginning that we crave if we keep replaying over the same old haunting memories of our past. It just doesn’t work nor serve us any form of good. Unfortunately, with chronic illness there are many of those memories available and that is something that I am now finally addressing with a professional, privately.

Rather than dwell on the negative, I will focus on the fact that I have overcome a lot of fears this year. I use my wheelchair locally now without much fear, I pushed myself so far out of my comfort zone to record some youtube videos and I am no longer trapped inside my house all week long like I was for years on end. I spend more time with loved ones rather than in my bed, I have taken steps to improve my quality of life and I have changed many of my old, set ways of living with a long term illness. The biggest thing for me personally was that I restarted physiotherapy at a specialist unit in London, which has provided me with hope for a better, happier and healthy future.

I have a lot to work on in 2017 and I will not see any results without trying. Slow and steady wins the race, 2017 is very much time to finally create the life of my dreams.  

Goals for 2017

  • Continue to strengthen my body with physiotherapy
  • Finish the year as a part time wheelchair user
  • Build up my walking ability
  • Have a year of self love, self acceptance, self help and self belief
  • Raise my standards of myself and what I can achieve
  • Praise what I can do and not what I can not
  • To dwell only on what is good in my life
  • Drive my car again
  • To compete with who I was yesterday
  • Regain my independence in small ways
  • Focus on the present, not the past or the future
  • Give myself more credit for my achievements
  • Say yes to more
  • To not allow the broken fragments of yesterday, into today
  • Push myself out of my comfort zone  
  • To find and have the motivation and capacity to excel and succeed in my personal goals
  • Volunteer
  • Overhaul myself for the better
  • To let go of anything that no longer serves me
  • Put my health and happiness above everything else
  • See the positive in whatever comes my way
  • List my triumphs, no matter how small they may be
  • Have patience with myself, my symptoms and my illnesses
  • To not deprive myself of living through my old limiting beliefs
  • To feel forms of happiness on an everyday scale
  • To have fun and enjoy my life again!!!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a much healthier and happier, New Year. 
Thank you for your continuous and loving support.

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